Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Booty Woes

I feel a little naughty posting a paparazzi pic of Jennifer Lopez. But when I think of asses, I think of this one. What a fine ass it is. Perhaps the bearer of this fine behind will forgive me for capitalizing on this topic by sharing a pic of her's with my 3.5 readers, since I hold it in such high regard, and since, of course, it does a great job of illustrating the problem.

Why am I thinking of asses? Apart from the power they have to lure me away from more pertinent issues, like whether to take probiotic supplements on an empty stomach or with food? Especially when a particularly bouncy one swings by clad in snug low-riders?

Well, it's been brought to my attention that medical supply manufacturers have been lax at keeping abreast of people's behinds. I wouldn't think butt size should be cause for concern. But results of a study fresh out of Ireland1 have documented the inability of standard-sized hypodermic needles to penetrate the layers of adipose that Americans (well, actually, Irish) have surreptitiously packed on over the years. And ineffective penetration means insufficient drug delivery.

In the words of lead author Dr. Victoria O. Chan:
"The amount of fat tissue overlying the muscles exceeds the length of the needles commonly used for these injections."
Disturbingly, in 23 of the 25 women in Dr. Chan's study, the needle failed to reach the buttock muscle underneath the fat. Men fared better with a 56% success rate. Although neither of these statistics supports the continuation of this practice.

Needles tested were 3 cm long, a little more than an inch. I opt for longer needles.2 Some rally around butt reduction. But I feel my choice is more pragmatic. It's easier to lengthen the shaft of a needle than, as Americans can attest, to reduce the size of the caboose.

1 Presented Monday, November 28, at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America. Here's their press release: Obesity Prevents Injections from Reaching Muscle
2 In all fairness, the size of Jennifer Lopez's buttocks would probably not necessitate a longer needle. I'll leave it to your imagination to envision a butt that would.

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